Overthinking

I’ve got a million things on my mind and I want to share so many of them with you. I get super excited to share all the things and sometimes I get ahead of myself and need to slow down. Yes, slowing down is a common challenge for me. You know what else is a common challenge for a lot of folks and I see it in many of my clients … overthinking.

This is where you start off in one place with one thought and then you analyze the hell out of it which spins you in some many different directions without moving you forward an inch. Now it’s perfectly normal and beneficial to ponder life and dream but when you’re stuck in your head overthinking, most of the time those thoughts aren’t so good. And it can turn into this negative cycle where the more we create these stories, scenes, scenarios in our heads, the more we get upset, which means the more obsessing and spinning. Rinse and repeat.

In this blog post, we’re going to explore …

Why we overthink?

How to know if you’re an overthinker?

The trouble with overthinking.

And what to do to stop overthinking or at least reduce how often it happens.

So let’s dive in. Why do we overthink?

Let’s face it, we live in a fast-paced, go go go world, where stuff is coming at us in every which direction, all hours of the day, that can make maintaining a healthy mindset really hard.

Like a dog with a bone, we can get stuck on a thought and just chew on it, grind on it.

Just like you have to clean up your house, car, or desk … you also have to do the same with your brain. Just like so many other areas of our lives we need to keep our minds tidy as well.

You may have grown up learning that you can think and plan your way out of any problem. And while I’m sure that has worked for you a ton in your life, it’s the same pattern that keeps you stuck in your head. It becomes a problem when you can’t stop thinking and just be. I can totally identify with this!

Before I started doing this work I couldn’t really relax. Even when I was supposedly chilling out, I wasn’t relaxing. Yeah, I was physically ‘not doing anything’ but mentally my mind was on the proverbial hamster wheel. You know what I’m talking about? And even if the problem was out of my hands … it was still spinning in my head. Have you been there?

It can also feel like you’re trapped in your own mind, isolated … it’s just you and the never-ending to-do list, planning the birthday party, worrying about the bills, wondering why your partner was a jerk yesterday or how your co-worker took credit for your project. Spending so much time stuck in your head, by yourself is exhausting, it takes so much from you, and frankly … let’s be honest … you don’t get anything from it.

When you have all these thoughts swimming in your mind, you tend to drown out the rest of the world and get lost in your head. It’s not that you don’t understand that time is flying by, it’s just time passes before you realize how much is gone.

If we don’t slow down our thinking and clean up those thoughts that are bubbling underneath the surface, not only will hours go by without realizing it, but so will our sense of calm and peace.

Being stuck in your head and overthinking is usually a sign you’re trying to regain control over a situation that feels overwhelming.

And everyone experiences this now and again but seems to be coming a bigger and bigger issue. With all this new technology and drive to get it done, cross the next item off our to-do list and achieve the next goal, we spend so much time thinking and doing what’s next… and very little time focused on the here and now. All of which can lead to over thinking.

So how do you know if you’re an overthinker?

Many of you know this about yourself already and are looking for some help. I promise I’ll get to that soon. Others are noticing themselves in what I’m saying … but if you’re still wondering if this is you … answer these questions.

Do you have trouble sleeping, trouble relaxing, or having fun?

Do you have fear of failure or find yourself second-guessing everything?

If so, you may be an overthinker.

Overthinkers can get stuck in the past with a thought like …

I can’t believe he treated me that way.

They project into the future thinking something like, I’m going to fail miserably at this presentation.

They get swept up in analysis paralysis … questioning … should I do this? Should I do that? What about this? What if that? They indulge in confusion and overwhelm which leads to inaction.

Remember the past is the past … it’s over. The only place it exists is in your head AND what you’re making it mean today.

As for your future, well, that's being created right now by what you’re currently thinking today.

You see, that’s the problem with overthinking … you spend so much time spinning in the past or worrying about the future that you miss out on today. Now is all you’ve got, it’s all you’ll ever have.

When you overthink any problem it robs you of your time and energy that you could be using to find a solution. That kind of worrying produces no value and it wastes so much of your precious time.

Life is going to throw you a curveball or two or three and when that happens we tend to get upset or emotional and that’s okay. But if you tend to get trapped in your own head, this is where you can get into trouble. When you allow your negative emotions to get the better of you it can lead down a dark path. The brain becomes quite chatty and to escape the noise overthinkers tend to overeat, overdrink or overwork in an effort to get some relief. The problem is the noisy mind comes back and now you have all the problems with the drinking, eating, and isolation that come with it.

Alright, so what can you do to quiet the mind and cut back on the overthinking?

First … I want you to begin to see that you are not your thoughts or feelings. They’re just a part of what’s happening in your life.

Just because you think about punching someone in the nose, doesn’t mean you’re a violent person. So instead of judging your thoughts … get curious about them. When you have a thought pop up that is uncomfortable or overwhelming instead of pushing it away as if it’s bad, get curious as to why it’s there, to begin with. Curiosity will lead to learning … while judgment will keep you stuck.

Something someone says can keep you in your head, spinning and second-guessing for days. When in reality, if you were curious at that moment your perspective may shift to see that person was having a bad day and that comment was all about them and not about you.

So here are some strategies to get out of your head and to stop overthinking

#1 Assess Value:

Take a look at what the thinking is creating for you. If taking the time to think through a problem is leading to solutions and ideas in a timely fashion then do it! YES! There is SOO much value in that. But, if you’re spinning or ruminating on the same issues over and over and over again thinking that you’re going to get some sort of magical clarity on the situation … well … that’s how you get stuck. Life sucks sometimes and no amount of reliving the scenario over and over is going to change that. Instead of spinning take action. And if it’s not in your power to change anything, then let it go. If it’s out of your hands it should be out of your head.

#2 Go there:

Instead of running from the stuff in your head move towards it. By getting in touch with what you’re feeling you can actually process it. Now, depending on which generation you’re a part of or the type of house you grew up in you may have had some sort of reaction when I said, get in touch with your feelings. The generation I grew up in didn’t really ‘talk’ about our feelings. We rubbed some dirt on, you know … suck it up buttercup! It was better to hide your feelings than talk about them. I’m going to tell you right now … THIS is one of the most destructive ideas you can carry with you. Why? Because it means your thoughts never get processed which means your feelings don’t get processed. Talking about them with friends, family, a coach or a therapist creates some space for them and is one way to step out of them.

#3 Strategy to stop overthinking - Mindfulness:

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about mindfulness. Mindfulness is a type of meditation where you focus on what you’re feeling or sensing at the moment. There’s almost no mental practice that has more research behind it than meditation. You can do a guided meditation with an app like Calm, Headspace, or BrainTapping … or you can simply focus on your breath. While I try to carve out 10-20 minutes of guided meditation every morning, I like having the tool of breath in my back pocket. It doesn’t matter if I’m at home, in my car, or in a busy restaurant with a bunch of people around me, I can always focus on my breathing to lower my heart rate and blood pressure in any situation. For me … it’s as simple as breathing in through my nose for a count of 3 … holding that breath for a count of 2 and then exhaling for a count of 4. Repeat.

You can also simply observe each breath without trying to adjust it; it may help to focus on the rise and fall of your chest or the sensation through your nostrils. As you do so, you may find that your mind wanders, just notice the thought with a sense of curiosity and refocus on the breath.

When we’re aware of what’s actually happening it is harder for our thoughts to confuse reality.

When you’re focusing on one thing at a time, you physically and mentally can’t be overthinking or worrying about a dozen of other things at the same time.

The fourth and final strategy I recommend to stop overthinking is to journal:

Getting everything out of your head and onto paper is an extremely powerful tool to free up space in your mind and to stop spinning. Seeing it on paper can sometimes make you realize how much sense things make or don’t make. It’s a great way to release the thoughts that are trapped in your mind.