Resolutions vs. Goals

I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. Why? Because they don’t work. Sixty-percent of us will make one but only eight-percent will actually stick with it. I don’t like those odds. And besides … Why wait until the New Year? I think that’s the other aspect about them I don’t like. There’s all this pressure people put on themselves to make these HUGE changes once a year and when they don’t follow through on it … they think they can’t make the changes they want in life.

That is SOOO not true! While I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions … I am a firm believer in goal setting!!!

What’s the difference you ask?

I see New Year’s resolutions as a sprint and goal setting as more of a marathon.

In the sprint of a new year we tend to want it all … and want it NOW! We burn out fast when we don’t get it. But how can you get it when you haven’t laid the groundwork first?

The marathon of goal setting is more of a slow and steady pace. You know the finish line is a ways off and that’s okay … every foot you put in front of the other is one step closer to crossing that finish line. Sure … it may not be sexy but … it is a lot more effective.

New Year’s resolutions typically only last two weeks. YUP! Most people call it quits the second Friday in January. It’s no wonder they get a bad wrap.

I’ll give you a New Year’s resolution I made three years ago and I have been able to keep ever since. Ready? My New Year’s resolution that I’ve kept is … never make a New Year’s resolution again. BOOM! Feel free to use that one yourself.

Seriously … I’m only hating on resolutions because I think people try to do too much too fast, they don’t have success and they convince themselves that they shouldn’t even try.

YES … you should try … but that effort and those ideas shouldn’t just come at the beginning of year. Setting goals and working to achieve them is something you should be doing all the time. I believe you should ALWAYS have a goal you’re working on. Something you want in this world. A better relationship, a new job, more success, or money, to lose weight to stop overdrinking … whatever it is … goals give us a direction!!!!

I’m a life coach and I specifically work with people who feel stuck. Stuck in life, stuck in their career, stuck with their weight. One of the reasons we get stuck is because we’re staying in one place. We’re not moving towards something, a goal. We’re just staying where we are, stuck.

Let me put it to you this way … imagine a ship in a harbor. It has a captain, a crew and a destination plan. 999 times out of a thousand that ship will get where it’s going.

Now take that same ship in the same harbor, but this time there is no captain, no crew, no destination plan … what do you think is going to happen? It would be amazing if the ship gets out of the harbor at all but let’s imagine it does … what happens on the open sea of life? It’s going to get push in every which direction, aimlessly floating and either sinking or getting washed up on some island.

Your life is the ship. Your goal is the destination plan.

Okay Pamela, I hear ya but what do I do if I don’t have any goals? YES!!!! If this is you, my friend, you are NOT alone!!!! So many of us are feeling overwhelmed, directionless, bored, uninspired. I get it. Recognizing you’re not alone and you can move through it is a great place to start! So many of us are so busy putting out fires in life and reacting to everything that’s going on that we don’t have a plan … a goal.

But here’s the thing it doesn’t have to be hard … we often think goals have to be BIG. Chill out … relax a bit. All you’re doing is trying to achieve something. It doesn’t have to matter to anyone but you. Start with what you enjoy. Ask yourself, what do you naturally gravitate towards?

Write down five things you really enjoy. Is there a goal buried in any of them?

In The Success Principles, Jack Canfield suggests there are seven areas where you should consider setting goals… they are

Financial

Job/career

Physical Health

Relationships

Personal Development

Community

Any of those give you a gut reaction? Start there! Now you may be someone who know exactly what you want but you just don’t know how to get it. I’ll tell you how to do it … ready … by managing your mind!

Your brain is going to continue to think whether or not you manage it. Those thoughts are going to create emotional states that will drive your actions in life. At work, at home in your free time. If you’re constantly believing you can’t do it, it will be hard, you don’t know how, it will take too long, I’m not good enough, who am I do think I can do this, what if I fail … then guess what … you’re going to find all kids of evidence to support those thoughts.

Your results in life are a reflection of your thoughts. So if you’re thinking all those negative, self doubt thoughts … then that’s what you’re going to create in life.

Changing your beliefs and what you’re mind looks for everyday is where you start. If you think you are going to fail, you’ll find all the ways you’re failing and you’ll create evidence to support that through your actions.

If you have a goal you want to achieve, what do you think about your ability to make it happen? Is that working for you?

Or … we can ask … Can we find a way for you to think about this that you really believe and that fuels your work?

Ask yourself … What do you want and why? The WHY is critical. How will you feel when you achieve this goal? THAT emotion is what’s going to drive your actions in order to get the goal.

Now I want you to get super specific … talk about the goal in first person and in the present tense.

AND WRITE IT DOWN!!!! This is super important. Get the goal out of your brain and on to a piece of paper … THEN it becomes real and not just some idea floating around in your head. You can look at it, move it around, read it everyday.

Don’t freak out if your brain starts telling you all the reasons you’re not going to achieve this goal. That’s normal! If this doesn’t happen, chances are you’re not pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Your brain likes to be efficient … as soon as you start introducing new things … all these negative emotions are going to come up because you’re having thoughts you don’t normally have … it’s all part of the process. When those negative thoughts pop up … write them down. Take a look at them. It’s normal for them to be there but they don’t have to stay there.

One of the most common thoughts that will pop up is … I don’t know how to do this.

That is one of the biggest goal stealers out there. Here’s what I tell my clients to do … go into the future where you’re goal has been completed. Go to a place of knowing. Ask yourself how you did it. What did you do to achieve the goal? You’ll be amazed at the wisdom you already have lurking in your brain.

Write down all the obstacles in your way of achieving your goal. What are all the thoughts that are obstacles about it? The skill obstacles - what you need to learn to do. The emotional obstacles … how you’re feeling.

For every obstacle … come up with a solution. Again .. you can go to your future self … pretend that you’ve already accomplished the goal and then tell yourself how you did it.

Now there may be things you literally don’t know how to do. Part of your action plan is learning how to do those things.